I CAN MOONWALK!
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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