tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
