So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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