Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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