She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
smell my finger.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
