Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
