I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
