i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
