Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
