I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
