I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
