I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
