I hate your face
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
