help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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