I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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