Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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