apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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