Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
