Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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