Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
