so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
