Your face is a jimmy john
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
