Do you still have your period?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
