yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
4 words: hood of his car
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
