Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
