we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
