you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
