I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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