i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
