I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
