so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
