Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
