I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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