Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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