I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
