her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
