Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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