I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
