He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
