Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Mom said you looked used
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
