genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
