I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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