Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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