Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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