I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
