guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
