so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
