She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
