If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
