how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
