i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
