Apparently you make a good broom.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You smell like stripper and shame
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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