My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
